Back in high school, I channeled like I breathed, and boy was it a problem. I was deep in my delulu days (daze?), so I have no idea how much was real and how much wasn’t, but I know at least some of it was real. One of the things I’ve been trying desperately to learn is Seiðr, one of the components of which (at least as Hrafnar practices it) is channeling. Unfortunately every time I tried to find an instructor, something fell through. It’s been suggested to me that this was someone telling me not to do it, but I have the support of two deities in pursuing this, so I think the events precipitating the falling through weren’t related. As I’ve waited for proper seiðr instruction, doing all the research I can, I’ve watched other people take up the term and start channeling with no support, no lineage. And I’ve finally come to the conclusion that I should do the same. I’m not going to take the name Völva, but I am going to go ahead and work the channeling on my own. And I’ve already started in little ways.

One of the ways that I have always done something channeling-adjacent is to share experiences with the gods. This I do all the time. I will share a drink or a meal, or sometimes a video game (Lady Hel is quite the gamer surprisingly….). I never thought of that as channeling, but to a degree it is. It’s allowing another being to use my senses, which seems to me to be one of the first steps…

I have an arrangement with Loki, because I’m very bad at self-care. I will stay up when I’m literally falling asleep sitting up (once with a cup of water in my hand!), when the room starts to shake and spin, when my throat starts hurting from sheer exhaustion. When I get to that point, Loki has full permission to force me to go to bed. And now some nights I will be doing something when I will, without willing it, put away what I’m doing and start changing the bed configuration to sleep. It’s sometimes quite exasperating, but that’s the agreement.

One time a year or two ago I did some work for a dear friend of mine who was in a bad place and needed desperately to talk to Fenrir. So I went in trance to where Fen is, and then from trance started relaying questions and responses back and forth between the two. This too was a form of channeling. I was very worried about doing it, because of my experience in High School, but I did it anyway, and it was actually a very wholesome and heart-warming experience.

So I’m doing it. Part of my problem has been having nobody to do it for. That friend would love for me to do it again, but going that far seems a bit more than I’m ready for outside an emergency. Plus, it’s really Loki that I want to be channeling. Continuing to share experiences isn’t a problem, it’s the full loss of control that concerns me. I don’t remember my trances, much less when I channel. I’ve solved the trance problem by dictating and recording my trances, perhaps that will work in this case. But… I lost my mind last time I did this. I’m afraid of it happening again.

Mind you, back in the day I was totally stupid about it. I didn’t invoke protections, I had no Ward looking after me. I’m pretty sure I allowed other beings to drive my car, I know I allowed them to ride my horse. I understand sharing tacos with one of the beings I allowed through (an Egregore, I now know) was quite hysterical. I exercised no caution whatsoever in what I allowed through, I didn’t even verify a being was who he said he was! Some days I’m just surprised I managed to recover my sanity.

But now isn’t then. I’m a mature practitioner now, better trained in trance techniques and well drilled in safety. Practically speaking, I’m set. A lot of groups don’t allow their people to channel without another human being there watching out for them, and that isn’t a luxury I have. But I have a darned fine group of allies looking after me now, and I trust Loki. I trust Freyja, and I trust Thor. I even trust Fenrir. And my allies can look out for me. It’s just my apprehension from past experience holding me back.

Flash forward to my Chronic Pain Anonymous meeting this past week. Trusting one’s Higher Power (Loki, for me) was one of the topics that came up: trusting that he sees farther than I do, that he will look after me, that he won’t let me carry more than I am capable of, that there are reasons for what happens. And I realized something. "Turning my will and my life over to the care of my Higher Power" is the same thing as trusting him with channeling. As he has sometimes asked me, is he my fulltrúi or not? If I can trust him with my health, with my physical wellbeing in this way, why can’t I trust in the other? It’s functionally identical.

So I’m going to try to take that step. I’m going to listen more, whenever I can remember, and let him guide me more. I'm still not going as far as full channeling, but sharing sounds like something I can do more regularly.

This is part of the reason I started looking into Pagan Monasticism, why I joined the Cloister. I need to find something to remind myself throughout the day. I guess I need to finally make that prayer bead bracelet I’ve been sitting on since my last one broke… It’s time to take the next step.

Kethesa (KEep The HEart SAcred)
Asra Lokakona